Part Eleven.

At the point of typing this I was travelling 39000feet in the air at 584mph Ground speed , 2154 miles away from my new home watching Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2. (Classic btw)

How ironic that I’m typing part 11 of my story?.. When I started writing at Part 1 I never expected to receive such love from it, or enjoy it as much as I do.

Part 11 started 15th of May 2022, the first day of my “Fresh start”.

For weeks I will admit I’ve not dealt with the build up very well.

I have not been myself, but being brutally honest sometimes I’m not really sure who I am anymore, because life since mam has been gone is some what different & I have absolutely changed as a person.

Things I used to take for granted before, I no longer do. The outlook I used to have on life is something of the past, & my mindset has changed all be it for the better. (Most or the time anyways)

I preach about being positive & sometimes I forget to practice what I preach , but we are all human right?

There really are no words to verbalise the emptiness I feel about not being able to share this experience with my mam.

This next statement is no disrespect to the male population but women are built differently to men.

There are things I know my mam would’ve done. Or things she would’ve wanted to do with me or for me that my dad wouldn’t consider & sometimes that’s tough to process.

I am lucky enough to have been raised by two amazing parents, parents who have taught me strong values, one being to work hard & another being smiling in the face of adversity.

I’m fairly confident in saying I do both.

Leaving work on Friday the 13th was surreal. I throughly enjoyed that role, it felt like such a loss to walk away from a role that provided me with such stability during the most unstable time of my life.

Every day throughout mams battle I went to work, I smiled when inside I felt I was forcing it. Yet everyone there enabled me to continue with my day to day life as normal. (What ever normal was at that time.)

For the most part nobody knew my circumstances, but on my return to work when they did, I was allowed the opportunity to cry if I needed to cry. Hide if I needed to hide & make mistakes & learn from them with endless support and shoulders to lean on if required.

For that I’m leaving there with a wealth of experience and gratitude. I learnt so much about myself in the 10 months I spent there. On times I can’t believe I’ve been able to hold down a role like I did & maintain working relationships with people when sometimes I didn’t have a good relationship with myself. Maybe I’ve neglected myself sometimes by living my life 100mph all of the time with 0 minutes spare.

I grew to accept that was my working / day to day life but I knew it would only be temporary.

Never the less, great work colleagues & friends outside of work is something I’m fortunate to have an abundance of, even in my short working career so far.

There are relationships I’ve made with people that have had the biggest impact on me & my heart that are truly irreplaceable or unforgettable.

I cannot imagine my day to day life without some of those people. They’ve laughed with me when I’ve been the joker or laughed at me when I am the joke & for anyone who knows me, you’ll know I love the banter.

Laughter gets me through, but so does drive & ambition.

In my head I have placed milestones. Milestones & little tick box goals I must reach for my own personal growth. Milestones I know my mother would’ve been so proud of.

Getting on the plane being one. Dubai has a window of opportunity for me that I’ve not opened even an inch yet.. I feel like this is where I need to be.

So much of the angst & worry I’ve had in recent weeks I hope will vanish soon & I hope that I’m able to make the most of this experience & gain from it a more fulfilling life.

I’ve said I would rather be sad in the sunshine than sad in the rain & where ever I go it’s highly unlikely the pain I feel will ever go away .. but it will become more manageable.

Finally, I recognised that I need to start putting myself first & I feel like I will be able to do that here.

I will hopefully get back to doing the things I love. Such as exercising , reading & doing things that make my soul sing. I’ve not done any of that for a long time & that’s probably why my “alignment” with myself feels off.

I have so many things to look forward too, so many people I’m yet to meet & share my mothers story with.

I will never stop telling my mams story, & I’ll hopefully never stop writing the pages of my own. . Atleast not for a long time anyways 🤞🏼

I always encourage my friends “to do you for you”. Now I think it’s about time I stop being such a hypocrite and start doing “me for me”.

Here’s to hoping that the extra hours I have back from my day are filled with happiness, exercise , a little bit of soul searching and a whole lot of fun.

I can’t wait to live a life that will hopefully enable me with some wealth.

Not solely in Dirham or pounds but a wealth of knowledge and experience that can help me to grow far enough that I’m able to help my friends & my own family in the future.

I also cannot wait to reconnect with the little part of me that I feel like I’ve lost.

Nothing will ever bring my mam back, but she’s never going away fully.

None of my “see you laters” to my friends , family or colleagues were actual goodbyes because I’ve said a real goodbye to someone that’s gone and will never come back & that’s reality.

But my other reality is that the countdown is on until I get to say “Hello’s” again sometime soon.

To some of my best friends babies that will be born whilst I’m here, to other people that are new acquaintances, new opportunities & my wonderful people back home that are hopefully coming to visit soon..

I will keep taking steps forward to those days.

Until then it’s fix up , look sharp & taking every single thing in. Appreciating it for what this is, an opportunity of a life time.

We really do only regret the chances we don’t take & I really am ready for this chance & this change.

I’ll finish with a Little quote from The Sir Alex Ferguson : Never Give In Documentry I watched for the last leg of the flight ..

He said ; “It’s a fact of life. Where we come from is important, you come out with an identity.”

I have an identity, I have a personality & traits that probably won’t change much at all & I’ll always stay true to that.

But that’s not to say that where we go or end up in life won’t shape us into something better.. Fingers crossed Part 12 & every part after that will prove that for me. I for one can’t wait to see …

I landed safe, checked in ok & enjoyed an iced coffee whilst getting ready for lunch near the palm & a had wander around the Marina.

A place I know my mother would love, luckily for her today she’s coming with me.

I decided that it was only right to wear something of hers for my first day & what a lovely day it’s been.

Today has been the day I started doing everything My Way for a change. ❤️